wensuan's Xanga

Friday, May 23, 2008

Fri, 23 May 2008 16:41:46 GMT

原來很久沒碰過個 blog 了。

發生了一些事﹐近來尚算不錯。
若無閒事掛心頭，便是人間好時節。

"o' genki desu ka." "genki desu."

每每是

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:28:13 GMT

想到寫點甚麼﹐想著想著﹐腦海中編排﹐起承轉合﹐成形了﹐但到要打出來時﹐
卻沒了興趣。

一定要改。

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 16:37:14 GMT

看了破事兒﹐最近常常哼起 "再見 puppy love" 來。

看填詞人:卡龍。
竟是葉漢良﹐最近在看他的斗數本義....

這也是一種緣份罷。

忘掉你   誰能接受
如今放手   無言退後
仍得強裝   面貌鎮定
來避免   共抱頭痛哭難放手

(按: 葉漢良﹐ "舊中州派" 亭老先收的四十門人之一﹐近來出版兩本斗數書﹐
作老王講義補遺﹐一得也。)

2007

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 12:48:35 GMT

今年﹐他們來過。然後又離去。他們不知道自己做甚麼事。

今年﹐發覺離開原來如此容易。吻你，你視若無睹。愛你，你不為所動。
把世界拱手相讓，你卻毀掉所有。

今年﹐一切仿如隔世﹐只是個不痛不癢的故事片斷。也無關重要﹐原來只
是個熟識的陌生人。

今年﹐大家熟絡了。隔閡又深了。或者一開始不應該這樣﹐大家用薔薇鐵
線分隔﹐會是最好的歸宿。

今年﹐沒有一天過得快樂。狂歡地哼著歌，輕快地跳著舞﹐也只是把孤獨
和空洞的疼痛﹐充滿到支體的每一梢。過後如載入後的程式消除﹐歸於虛
無﹐僅此而已。

就這樣子。

大一生水﹐水反輔大一

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 19:48:00 GMT

Love is a wonderful, spirit-enhancing, and soul-uplifting thing.

The sad fact is, many people will never, ever experience that. What they do receive, since when they were children, is a kind of love that is often manipulative, controlling, domineering... or worse, twisted. But since people, as children, love their parents naturally, even the ones that are cruel and heartless - often they grow up to think that a punch in the face from a jealous boyfriend is a prove of "he loves me."

One of the most crucial messages carried in Love, to me, is self-love. It took me years to understand this - but learning to love one's self is still something that I cannot confidently say to have achieved so. On the contrary we're often taught from an early age how to do the exact opposite, like we're too thin, too fat, too short, too poor, the wrong place, the wrong time - you name it, we're wrong.

And so we spend the rest of our lives looking for someone to "love" us. To make up for the loss inside... because we hope that our desperate longing for self-approval will be cured.

This is what I think where the dark side of Love comes in. Couples are chained to the Devil (or Darkness, or anything depending on your own spirituality) because they are totally codependent on each other for self-esteem: instead of feeling whole and complete, they have to find their "Another" to make them feel total. Or becoming each other's "shadow". This is what often passes for love.

That's why as humans we are so prone to get caught in cycles of recurring and damaging relationships - we are trying to heal those "false nurturings" we received when we were young. Until one can honestly learn what love is, the same sequence will go through over and over again.

在這匆匆一生添意義

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 20:35:51 GMT

沒法抓緊光陰片刻分秒﹐
沒法猜測身邊聚合散離。

這首歌這陣子常在腦中縈繞不去。
原來抓到的﹐是個雙手一扣﹐就甚麼也不剩的泡沫。

禪思欲去色﹐更反為色亂。遠苦避三毒﹐已入三毒苦。

完全不明白。
或是不想去明白。
或是原來已經明白了。

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 18:56:39 GMT

兩年了。

天翻地覆﹐事如萬族。
斗轉星移﹐命途多桀。
踰佚不反日，形槁獨居時。
幽室一已閉﹐千年詎見期。
一個人要離開2046需要多長的時間，沒有人知道，有人可以輕易的離去。
但是，對某些人來說，就需要花很長的時間，你要付出很大的努力，甚至結果是離不開。

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 03:48:26 GMT

死了機數天。

Motherboard 打柴﹐原只以為換過塊就搞定。
那知所有 socket 939 的板經已停產﹐急用下走去買塊二手的﹐卻又完全 detect 不到個 sata 硬碟。
最後死死地氣﹐買過新的 cpu 和主板﹐回家又發現 DDR 記憶體又插不到....

這一來一回﹐共五天﹐才解決了電腦問題。

有閒放學後還半夜送人回家﹐卻這般對我。
往日的溫柔﹐今天的嘴臉﹐原來翻面無情就是這樣 ....

Friday, September 28, 2007

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:21:39 GMT

看到一個脈絡了。

今次的預感應不會錯了罷。

唉。

中秋

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 17:45:17 GMT

去了看《出埃及記》﹐看後心情低落。
尤是有感情問題的人﹐一定更覺沉重。

後去維園花燈會﹐比九龍公園的有規模﹐但也很頹。
後來找地方喝東西﹐走了很多冤枉路。

熟識的店不是關了門就是滿座﹐連 McCafe 也要兜兜轉轉行了兩家才有著落....

美好的時光﹐感覺不錯。